And the Heaven’s cried…

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As the darkness loomed the rain which had been threatening all day began to fall, not much, but just enough to kick up the dust and bring on that smell you get after a thunder storm which has been promising to erupt for days finally falls… It matched my mood.

This could well be the last entry of this blog. Or at least the last entry written while I’m out here doing my job. I’ve been trying to write this for months with several false starts, aborted attempts and more than a few expletives. I’ve written much about all types of music while writing this blog. I’ve written of music I listen to, that which I’ve written, music I like and music I’ve seen but, of all these I think this entry is the most pertinent. This is about a ‘Song from a Distant Theatre’. As the rain fell I felt it was time to add to this, but I digress, let’s start at the beginning…

Today didn’t quite start as expected. Our replacements arrived in the early hours of yesterday morning and, by lunchtime, we’d started the long awaited Handover/Takeover process, HUGE sighs of relief all round.

With that in mind, this morning should have arrived with some sense of elation, or at least a little excitement. But no, another bad night’s sleep, another early start and, to cap it all, there were clouds from one edge of the horizon to the other. Rain.

So, with trepidation, we headed into work for the second day of our HOTO. Despite the worry of rain everything went to plan and the day went well. We had to cancel the afternoon’s briefs we’d planned as their was to be a vigil held for the second of the two soldiers who died over New Year. This was to be the last vigil I’d attend on this tour (I hope) and I wasn’t sure how I felt. There was definitely relief, no more, there was a tinge of sadness, I can only remember 1 or 2 weeks we’ve been out here where we haven’t to attend one of thes

Private Joseva Saqanagonedau Vatubua was killed on 1st January 2011. He was on patrol with his unit, a member of 5 Scots (prevously known to us all as the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders), when an explosion killed him. ‘Big Joe’ as he was known to those who served with (according to the eulogies read today) was a mountain of a man who played rugby at the highest level, loved his job and was a charismatic character.

These services are hard to take at the best of times. When the Scots or Irish are involved they’re even harder for me, as a piper, as the lament always makes my hairs stand on end and the lump rise in my throat. Today was no different.

And then it was.

The service panned out as normal, the introduction, prayer, eulogies, last post, lament, reveille, reading and dedication all rolled out as normal and then something new happened.

‘Big Joe’ was Fijian you see and there are a fair number of these proud people serving in our Army including many in 5 Scots. As the vigil drew to a close those Fijians present broke into song. It was obviously rehearsed as they performed like a well schooled choir* with the bass and baritone voices forming beautiful harmonies as they sang a song I don’t know, I don’t even know the title and heard too few of the words to even hazard a guess, but it wasn’t the lyric. It was the sentiment. And it broke me.

After the song ended we were fallen out to our duties and, for the first time in all the vigils I’ve attended, there was no buzz of conversation until what seemed like several minutes after that order. Usually it’s like an immediate release valve, but not tonight. There seemed to be a sombre mood over the gathered crowd and tonight, having spoken to several friends it seems I’m not the only one to have been affected.

We returned to work with the clouds still hanging over us and continued to work on our HOTO.

As the darkness loomed the rain which had been threatening all day began to fall, not much, but just enough to kick up the dust and bring on that smell you get after a thunder storm which has been promising to erupt for days finally falls… It matched my mood.

I’d like to think that rain was whomever or whatever it is we pray to when we hold these services showing his respect, or at least understanding for our loss. It may seem wishful thinking or childish fantasy, but tonight it makes me feel that little bit better.

I’ll be heading home within a week or so and I’ll be doing my best to forget everything out here, for at last a little while. I will, however, always remember the day that the heavens cried for Private Joseva ‘Big Joe’ Saqanagonedau Vatubua.

Ne Obliviscaris.

* It turns out it was a choir, and one which Joe had been a member of.

Related Articles

• Tributes To ‘Big Joe’ Killed On New Year’s Day (news.sky.com)
• New Year’s Day Afghanistan blast victim Private Joseva Vatubua hailed a ‘hero’ (dailymail.co.uk)
• RIP Pte Joseva Saqanagonedau Vatubua (waronterrornews.typepad.com)
• Airborne operation sees end of Taliban influence in Helmand village (waronterrornews.typepad.com)

Almost there…

As you may have guessed from the dearth of posts over the last month or so, it’s been quite busy over here.

We had a terrible period over Remembrance with 5 days (as far as I can recall) of continuous Op Minimise which started during a Vigil service for a British KIA, in fact Minimise was called during the 2 minutes silence.

Since then we’ve had several extended periods of the same and, due to the R&R period, we’ve been running around like headless chickens trying to keep our heads above water!

It’s certainly made time fly and now, with the journey home being next month (woohoo!), thoughts are turning to life in the ‘real’ world and the return to a life which, at this time, seems  a little distant to say the least.

I’ve now started looking towards time with family, Birthdays, Anniversaries, holidays (3 so far!), a plethora of gigs to see, and all those things we take for granted in our normal lives.

For me this includes my alternative existence as the singer for Morpheus Rising and all that involves with performing, recording, promoting etc.

If you’ve been following this blog you’ll know that I’ve taken the opportunity to use my time to work on lyrics for an album we’ve been planning for some time now. For many reasons we weren’t able record the album before I deployed (mostly due to the fact that I had months of training to do before I got out the door!) and we’ve been busily planning it since we accepted that fact.

I’ve written lyrics for some of the new material the guys have sent me while I’ve been out here, I’ve written lyrics which have yet to be put to music, and I’ve written some which, at this time, seem to be vastly different to the type of thing Morpheus Rising do. It’s been a great experience but, due to the tempo over the last few weeks, I’ve been unable to work on much for some time now with only a few lines here or there as seeds for future material.

All this is good news, we’ve already more than enough material written for a full length album from the core material we toured last year, add to that the material we’d written over the Summer months and then the couple of tracks we’ve got to demo stage while I’ve been out here and we have the luxury of being able to pick what to include, the hard part will be the picking!! We’ve several working titles and are now looking to the final preparations for time in the studio to do something we’d all hoped to have done almost a year ago!

But it won’t be in the first quarter of the year, it’ll be nearer the Summer before we’re anywhere near release and even then we still need to plan the live dates to support the release… Being independent has it’s advantages, but there’s a helluva lot of work to be done by 5 guys!

Talking of live dates, we’ve three already in the planning stages for next year with a few more being looked at to make the most of any travelling we’re doing. There will definitely be a ‘returning home’ gig as soon as we can get it sorted, and we’re looking to plan a ‘Southern’ tour this year to respond to those of you who couldn’t make the Lords of the North tour last year where we accompanied The Reasoning on the Northern dates of their Adverse Camber tour with a fair amount of our own headline dates thrown in. And we’re hoping to widen the net with perhaps some bike shows or festivals thrown in for good measure… It’s all go!

Now, back to the grindstone…

Lest We Forget…

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I must first apologise to those few of you who read this blog. I  had intended to write much sooner after my return from R&R but circumstances haven’t been favourable for various reasons.

I don’t know when I’ll get to post this, suffice to say I’m writing it the Sunday prior to Remembrance Day and Op Minimise has been in force since 7AM. It’s been a sombre day with yet another British soldier being injured. This time I know the cause, and the injuries, and I’m appalled.

It’s at times like these that I question this life, not in the personal, suicidal tense but with regards to being a member of the Armed Forces as a career. Many people when confronted with a service person questioning their employment in this time of conflict ask “well, isn’t it what you signed up for?” In many cases this is an innocent, if naive, question, on others it is meant to draw debate. I know it’s not why I joined up, yes there was the awareness of the risk it may occur, but at the time I joined the Northern Ireland Peace Process was under way (albeit in its infancy) and Bosnia was beginning to ease its burden on our forces. By the time I’d completed training I found myself in Kosovo, since then there has been a constant stream of conflicts drawing us further afield, stretching us further and increasing the toll of dead and wounded each Remembrance Day.

It’s been said that with great power comes great responsibility but that’s just it; those who are out here do not have any great power, they are simply dedicated to a task which has fallen to them for whatever reason. They are no different to you or your neighbours, friends and family and yet the Nation expects them to face what no man should be asked to. Teenagers are forced to face their mortality, and their mates, on a daily basis, and all those who support them face the knowledge that the incessant procession of helicopters approaching Nightingale mean more of us have come closer, or too close, than any ordinary man should be asked to.

In 2008 when Morpheus Rising released An Ordinary Man in aid of HELP for HEROES I was criticised by fellow servicemen for the lyrics. Their argument was that we are anything but ordinary, we were a special breed, a breed apart. They missed the point. We are not extraordinary individuals, we do not have extraordinary powers, but we do face extraordinary situations and dig deep enough within ourselves to find the strength of character with which to face those situations. It’s a matter of camaraderie, fellowship and a common bond of respect for those whom have gone before which enable us to do what we do, whatever we do.

He’s an ordinary man
Why should he find himself doing these things
No ordinary man should be asked to do
He’s an ordinary man
just trying to do these things no one else can
He’s an ordinary man

The full lyric for An Ordinary Man can be found here. The song is currently available on the re-released single Fighting Man and can be purchased from iTunes and most online music stores as well as in CD format from Amazon UK and Morpheus Rising’s own store. Proceeds from the single are being donated to HELP for HEROES and the Royal British Legion‘s Poppy Appeal.

The personal impact however, is a different matter. What happens in this conflict and those things people see have an effect, a different one on each individual, but they will have an effect.

I remember speaking to a young Royal Anglian in hospital who explained that, despite having only served 4 years in the Army, he was leaving once he returned home. His reason? Not the fact that he had lost friends, nor the fact that he was lying in the hospital bed opposite mine having been injured by shrapnel from an RPG. His reason was the fact that he had joined the Army to be a sniper and he was out here doing just that. As far as he was concerned he had nothing left to achieve. He had joined the Army with a goal and that goal had been reached. Time to leave.

There are others who go home with a desire to return, they relish the challenge, they crave the adrenalin, they want to avenge their friends.

There are those who return home physically intact but shadows of the men they once were. PTSD, or shell shock as it was once known, is now widely accepted as a serious condition which needs treatment and care. In years gone by it has been ?? as cowardice, madness or an excuse. It is not. It is a reaction to something which has been seen, been done, even heard, which that individual’s character has decided is too much to deal with head on. It manifests itself in a different wat with each person who suffers. It is prevalent and it needs to be dealt with.

In reality everyone questions there involvement in a conflict such as this. Whether the reason is religious, moral or ethical, at some point every man jack will question the validity of the decisions made in the heat of conflict or the peaceful corridors of power. It is this journey of self discovery which will determine the type of person we are. It is the revelations we become aware of through that process which will determine the people we will become.

They ask me where I’ve been,
And what I’ve done and seen.
But what can I reply
Who know it wasn’t I,
But someone just like me,
Who went across the sea
And with my head and hands
Killed men in foreign lands…
Though I must bear the blame,
Because he bore my name.
‘Back’, Wilfred Gibs

On Thursday November 11th at 11AM I hope you will all observe two minutes silence. Not just for those who have already paid the ultimate sacrifice, or those who find themselves at Headley Court, but also for all those Fathers, Sons, Daughter and wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, relatives and mates who find themselves out here doing their job. After all, it’s what they joined up for isn’t?

P.S. Since I wrote this we’ve been on Op Minimise continuously…

Related Articles

• Prince Harry opens field of remembrance for Afghan war dead (guardian.co.uk)
• Prince Harry To Open Field Of Remembrance (news.sky.com)
• Headley Court: Inside Britain’s military rehabilitation centre (guardian.co.uk)
• We remember, Kim Mills (cbc.ca)